Be observant.
At the beginning of last summer I felt like I was at a crossroads. I had no commitments, an empty agenda, and a heart and mind craving something new, something exciting. I felt like I lived in this small little suburban bubble in Orange County, California, and it had nothing for me. I would tell myself, “One more year, and I’ll be somewhere new… somewhere like New York, somewhere like London, somewhere like Portland.” Somewhere besides sleepy little Cypress.
Lo and behold, I had the classic pre-senior year antsiness. Good thing I had Carla to talk to. I’m paraphrasing, of course, but in one of our conversations, she told me that any location is lackluster if you choose to view it that way. She was right. How was I supposed to enjoy the walk to school if I was so concentrated on my dislike for the imaginary borders I thought were constricting my aspirations and dreams? How am I supposed to enjoy tomorrow if I cannot enjoy today?
Short answer: you can’t. Today is all we’ve got. I am trying to appreciate the smallest things; to be grateful for all the Earth and humanity has to offer. For me it is the sun shining through the trees, or the man who looks up from his paperback to tell me a hearty and warm, “Morning!” on my way to school. It’s the foggy mornings, the rainy mornings, and the sunny mornings. For me it’s the infinite amount of books I want to gobble and the too-many-to-count films I’ve yet to gorge myself on. For me it is the idea that there are people out there to love. For me, it’s the simple idea that the world is a terribly exciting place and I’d like to stick around, if not for at least a few more decades to see what’s up. For me, it is you.
What is it for you? I’d like to hear it. If you can’t think of anything, maybe, like me, you’ve spent too long absorbed in your thoughts. Try meditating — while walking, never unconscious of a step, a movement. It’s so surprising how much an afternoon walk can invigorate the spirit. Go outside.
Be observant,
Chris
(image courtesy of DDOI)
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That’s one gorgeous post, Mr. Chris.
Thank you for that. It has been like that for me too stuck here in Dallas. I complain about everything. I recently began to think in a new way. Not wanting to be stuck in one place but enjoying my time while I am there. Words that confirm and inspire me to go even further. Thank you again.
In gratitude. Erin
Chris I can totally relate to your ants in the pants. Thanks for reminding me, yearning for the future will doesn’t help with appreciating the now. Stay strong Chris! It’s your senior year! I’m behind you in years but beside you in spirit! Thanks for this.
i used to feel something like that. restless and vacant and bored, but with nowhere to go and absolutely nothing to do. and then, in a way, i got enlightened :) it feels good doesn’t it? living in the moment and taking it easy. like mr. mraz would say, stay fresh! haha. i try not to let the novelty of the life around me fade.
nice post!
chris, i really enjoyed your post. thank you. appreciating where and who i am in the present is something that i often struggle with but thankfully that is changing. i am able to stay positive and upbeat much more easily these days. for me it’s a baby named brandon that my mom babysits, watching squirrels scurry around, having my parents and sis close by, a beautiful pink/purply/orangey sky at dusk, petting my furry kitties, listening to jason mraz, reading this blog, knowing that we are all in this together, fab musicians on the subway, hugs from my bf, signs of kindness from strangers, all things bright green, juggling balls and hula hoops….
Senioritis is a terrible disease…
Good thing you’ve been cured!!
I’m so pleased you’re back Chris! I get this feeling too sometimes (and tend to then make grand sweeping statements about imminent emigration!) – and my experience goes with yours: its when I’m not really attending to or engaging with my city, getting out in it and appreciating it and doing things, that I feel like it doesn’t have anything to offer… beautifully written reminder, Thanks
P